You Are Forever.

Happy 50th Birthday, Bev!

Dear Bev,

You are forever
I’ve been trying to write this poem for weeks
But I can’t seem to find the right words to speak
To all of the missing
To express the extent of loss I feel
I miss you
And I know, I know
This poem is 10 years too late
And I wish you were here
To hear it
And I wish you were here
To meet us at the Merc later
So I can buy you a beer
Or gift you back the pitcher you bought for me
When I turned 33
You have always been that kind of friend
That kind human
That gives and gives
Without expectation
You have become the voice in my head
When I’m not making good choices
Reminding me to love myself
As much as I love everybody else
You did that
Always gave me the strength to see this world through love
You did that
And I know I’m not alone in this
You are forever
In a way that our hearts might not ever heal
But you gave us all this ability to feel
A love so big
And this sadness is just part of it
And I guess that makes sense
And I guess that it’s okay
To feel this weight of not being able to hug you today
You are forever
And I just hit play on Chris Pureka
Later today will be Bon Jovi
And we’ll share our favorite Bev stories
And we’ll share our tears
And we’ll share our laughs
And we’ll all hold each other in safety
Just like you always did
For every single one of us
You are forever
And today we celebrate your life
Wether you’re here or not
You are forever
You changed me
For the better
You changed so many
For the better
And that change is forever

Just like you.

And I love you, forever.

But Wait… There’s More

🫶🏼 For (you). ❤️

🫶🏼 For (you). ❤️ we'll call it our cover.Let’s give this a go, yeah?Let’s meet up somewhere neither of us knows and we can just be.Let’s buy a couple of empty postcards and draw ourselves exactly as we are.Right now.We’ll call it our cover.And we’ll hold it to the...

read more

The Delta

The Delta love is the greatest adventure.It’s cold here. But not the kind of cold that bites my skin under my hoodie, so I bear it. I grip my fingers tight together and use my breath as makeshift gloves. I have a vision of my beanie in my top left dresser drawer back...

read more

Cigarettes & Friends

Cigarettes & Friends for Drew and Joanna, East Sac magic.You ever have those nights where the sky is so fucking clear, you swear you can see people picnicking on Mars? Their full spread lunch full of tuna fish and pickles and Cooler Ranch Doritos and probably an...

read more

Boston, MA

Boston, MA when you grow up nowhere and everywhere.It’s important to know that I grew up nowhere and everywhere. We moved around so much that I didn’t even know what version of myself was most authentic until I was in my early 20s. New places came with new posters and...

read more

Wake Up

Wake Up grief is the loudest emotion.when someone diesthere is a pause in the earth's rotationas ifthe axis we all depend on forgot to keep movingas ifthe world we all inhabit forgot to set her alarm clockor maybelike the rest of uswanted to keep hitting snooze while...

read more

Dear Xavy

Dear Xavy a letter to my unborn son.Dear Xavy (Zah-vee, short for Xavier), First, I'd like to apologize.I've tried twice now to start our family line, but both times have ended in surprise heartbreak and regret.You are already supposed to be here.I am already supposed...

read more

Crazy Love

Crazy Love "it makes me righteous and it makes me whole"NOTE: Inspired by the song, Crazy Love. We’ll make love on the couchVan Morrison through the speakersThe hard cold of the floor against my kneesServing only to remind me of this momentWith herPassion doesn’t make...

read more

Let this Be Us

Let this Be Us every love story is worthy of fame.Darling, do you know we’re famous?Don’t ask me how… but why.And I’ll tell you,that I’ve got spotlights in my eye-line and a little bit of you in my rear-view.I’ve seen you before.Not your person but your promise.I’ve...

read more

Immortal Beloved

Immortal Beloved part of my book series, Netflix and Heal.It is a Thursday night, late Spring but still cold. A kind of cold that can remind you of your loneliness. Not because you forgot your hoodie and not because the friend you’re having movie night with forgot the...

read more

Commercial Break

Commercial Break A Poem for Brandon Teenawhen i was 5i knew i wanted to grow up to be a madmana wild eyed reflection of white crazy hairwhere we all drive behind time jumping wheels requiring 1.21 gigawattsto get us anywhere but by the age of 10i'd learned betteri...

read more

It Gets Better

It Gets Better not less hard, just better.At 11 years old, I believed in magic. Like I could catch falling stars in a mason jar, carry the construction of the Colosseum in my shirt pocket, paint a storm sky to life with daylight on dark thundering nights while...

read more

Letter to My Younger Self

Letter to My Younger Self everything seems easier when looking back.Dear Hot Mess, You don’t have the heart of an angel, stop acting like you do. It will only bring you pain. Nor do you have intentions anything less than angelic in nature. Stop being bothered by those...

read more

Summer and Mean It

Summer and Mean It starting over in the magic of summer months.In this newfound Summer freedomWith short sleevesAnd sun-kissed skinThe hot lips of a cloudless dayAnd I remember what it’s likeTo walk hand-in-handWith someone who smilesJust because they know youJust...

read more

Thursday Afternoon

Thursday Afternoon for the one i haven't met yetIt’s 3pmIn the overcast glow of a prolonged winterIt’s probably Spring somewhereBut not hereAnd it’s kind of perfectThe way the gray matches the painThe way the pain matches our eyesAnd we both see itAnd we both pretend...

read more

Tuesday Evening

Tuesday Evening for the one i haven't met yetIt’s 8pmAnd I can smell Fall bloomingLooming are the orange leavesAnd everything it meansTo shed the pastShedding all that holds us backFrom being able to beginAnewAnd when I drove to work this morningWith the heater onAnd...

read more

Sunday Night

Sunday Night for the one i haven't met yetIt’s 11pmAnd I can’t stop thinking about youAnd what it might be likeTo feel the weightOf your bodyHeavyIn truth and effortAtop all of my naked passionThe madness in the hungerThe absence of sense in the urgeMakes the...

read more

The Undoing of I Do

The Undoing of I Do ...but what about love?“Marriage equality also means divorce equality,” but what about love? It’s a fact that 41% of first-time marriages end in divorce. And I remember sitting on the sidelines, on the side of the stage, somebody important was...

read more

Call Cut

Call Cut just another love poem.you wear love on your sleeve the way they used toin black and white and dramatic celluloidand we kissto the sound of remixed Mozartand renovated Beethovenbut nobody really caresand wewellwe're not really listeningeitherwe're too...

read more

Hello… I Love You

Hello... I Love You. a poem for human beings.an average conversation with a stranger:"hello. I Love You." and I've got nothing else to offer but cracked ribscaged by the display of my stain-glass smilefragile but full of faiththis is Mea Poet dipped in Human...

read more

My Name is They

My Name is They what's gender anyway?When we talkWe all speak in genderFluent from the tongueAre the soft pinks of She'sAnd the militant blues of HisPronouns never had a choice My voice is a sirBigger than my courage will ever give me credit forBut I can't afford to...

read more

You Did NOT Die Today

You Did Not Die Today January 11, 2016It’s after midnight now.On January 11th, 2016. You did not die today. And I feel like a total weirdo. Sitting here by myself, sobbing uncontrollably over you. Sobbing uncontrollably over someone that I do not know. And then,...

read more